so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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