Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
