Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
