Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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