fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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