if you like me you must not know who I am
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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