like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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