we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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