we have pet lesbian snakes
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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