I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
