All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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