We're like a lot better than the average bears
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just had sex on a roof
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
