What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
