they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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