Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
