You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
