Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
