the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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