i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
