So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
