she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
