Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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