My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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