I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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