I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
