just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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