i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
