remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
