mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
