i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
