And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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