You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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