there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
