K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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