I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i've created a new STD.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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