I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
