She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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