and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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