Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
