I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
