life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
