I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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