I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
