My brain says no but my pants say off.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
