Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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