It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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