He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
