I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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