lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
