he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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