Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
