it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
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Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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