Just cropdusted the office
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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