You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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