ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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