We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
