I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
