I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
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Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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