As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
