if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
