She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
