Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
