We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
