Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
