im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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